


Captain of Nothing

by sweaterbarnes



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Body Dysmorphia, Character Study, Ficlet, M/M, Steve Rogers-centric, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 07:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21406459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweaterbarnes/pseuds/sweaterbarnes
Summary: A character study of Steve Rogers looking at what might have been going through his mind immediately post-serum through to the plane crash.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Captain of Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, uh, wow it's been a while. I don't know if any of you remember me or are still invested but hi yes hello I'm still alive and thought I might throw this small thing up onto my account as a potential dip back into the AO3 pool.

“I thought you were smaller.”

\- James Barnes to Steve Rogers,_ Captain America: The First Avenger_

Slim fingers curled around a pencil. New fingers dig at blond hair. Senses painfully unchanging: choking and sour expectations, dying rattle of soldiers’ (my) hopes, flashing shots in the dark, pungent sting of unwashed skin against mine, wind piercing down to the bone and ripping.

With my head filled with promises and a future, injected strength twisted and molded my arms, legs, hands, life. Presented to the world on a silver shield, I was coveted; small hands gripped mine and shoved me off the world into the fray. It was all I wanted, all I ever told him I wanted. 

I’m alone at the end of the world. Death sits to my right, oh so delicate fingers holding mine in a grounding, empty comfort. To my left, a flicker of dark hair and a curved smile that I left at the bottom of a ravine. On the radio, her voice is desperate, raw from helplessness; begging me to try, pleading. I give her a promise and wrap thick, strong, deadly hands around the controls and angle the plane down.

Spider-web cracks and breaking glass. Freezing water soaks in through my eyes and skin, bathing my being in agonizing relief. Lights shudder and power down, pressure pushes at every inch of skin and steel alike. I can’t breathe and welcome it; silent laughter at what should have happened years before. He’s gone, she doesn’t need me, I’m tired of trying.

This is the end of the line.


End file.
